How do I make my wedding day all about me?
Stacey M asked:
I am going to the island to get married…I didn’t want a big wedding, I wanted it to be intimate…all about me and my fiance’ . However I still want to have a big wedding reception when we come home. I am taking my sister to be a witness and he is taking someone on his side. However how do I explain this to everybody that wants to see the wedding? I am going to video tape it to put it on big screen at the reception when we come home…I just don’t want the whole wedding thing…this is about me and him…not about anyone else.
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I am going to the island to get married…I didn’t want a big wedding, I wanted it to be intimate…all about me and my fiance’ . However I still want to have a big wedding reception when we come home. I am taking my sister to be a witness and he is taking someone on his side. However how do I explain this to everybody that wants to see the wedding? I am going to video tape it to put it on big screen at the reception when we come home…I just don’t want the whole wedding thing…this is about me and him…not about anyone else.
November 25th, 2008 at 4:28 am
You want the cake and eat it too?
I never understood the concept of having a big reception afterwards… the wedding day has passed and it seems gift grabiesh to me.
What your say doesn’t make any sense. Either you want to make it about him and you with a small wedding, but having a “reception” with video tape and all after the fact contradicts your statement.
Good luck
November 26th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Well it’s a cool idea but I think you should leave that for your honeymoon?
Your parents would have want to watch their kids get married and you’re stopping them.
November 28th, 2008 at 3:43 am
No matter what you do it’ll be all about you. Everyones eyes will be on you and you only. Time to time on your fiance as well. It’s going to be tough to not let anyone be hurt by your choice but then again it’s your day! Just like you said it’s about you and him not everyone else. What you want will happen if you keep your mind to it. I’m sure others will understand. The reception idea make sure those who are close and dear to you are there to celebrate. Send a small note to everyone reminding them about your late celebration from your wedding. It’ll be perfect I’m sure. Good luck!
November 28th, 2008 at 5:13 am
If someone is not invited to the ceremony, they should not be invited to the reception. That’s considered quite rude. You can keep your wedding “all about you and the groom” as long as nothing you do would be rude toward the guests.
November 30th, 2008 at 7:09 am
I’ve been to a couple wedding receptions where the wedding occured a few weeks previous and they just showed the video of the ceremony and then the bride and groom wore their wedding attire, so it almost felt like you had just been at the wedding. Just tell your guests that you’re having a very small wedding but still want to celebrate with them after the fact.
December 2nd, 2008 at 12:59 pm
You don’t have to explain. When you are ready to have your reception, send out invitations that say, Ashley and Mike have tied the knot! Come help them celebrate on December 13, 2008. Or something like that. If someone asks about the wedding explain it like you just did – We wanted a small intimate wedding.
Good luck to you!
December 2nd, 2008 at 11:51 pm
Good for you for not making you wedding a DRAMA!!! We too did a private ceremony and a big party a month later. people still talk about the party. the wedding was for us, private, intimate and low stress. only my sister was offended that she was not at the wedding. The ceremony was perfect for us and about us. the party was to celebrate our union and people were so happy for us. JUST realize that no matter what you do, someone will object. just keep it real….
December 4th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
A lot of people may thumbs down me for this but it is what I believe but when When a person gets married the marriage is really and completely about the woman it is her day to shine, now I understand what your saying which is a lovely romantic idea, but the problem is this if you take away from (especially) your families them seeing their daughter who they have cared for nurtured and raised getting married then I think you are going to see the effects of your actions when you return home, whether or not you taped it or not, it is not the same as watching your daughter walk down the isle giving you a cuddle of congratulations after you and your hubby say I do, my opinion is if you do this you will have to leave with the consequences.
December 6th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
There are thousands of couples who have gotten married exactly the way that you have described – it will be lovely. To explain it to people, just tell them what you’re doing (no personal reasons attached, just the facts). For example, “We’re getting married on the island and having a big reception afterwards.” If anyone asks to see the wedding (which they probably won’t think of b/c they’ll assume they can’t), tell them “We’re videotaping the ceremony in Hawaii and showing it at the reception.” Word of suggestion, using the phrase “it’s all about me” over and over again gives the wrong impression (like you don’t care about your family or you’re self-centered), even if your sentiments are good and I’m sure that’s the case. I’d just avoid using that phrase and skip any excuses for why you’re marrying on the island unless someone asks you “why”? Then say “we want a very intimate ceremony with just the two of us, with a big party afterwards to celebrate with everyone!”
December 8th, 2008 at 7:54 am
By virtue of the fact that it is your wedding, it already is all about you and your fiancee that day.
To be honest, you’re sending mixed signals about this event. You want the small, intimate wedding, but then you want the huge reception. On one hand you want it to be just about the two of you and your marriage, but then you want to have the big party too which makes it just the opposite. You don’t want a big wedding, but you want a big reception. You can’t always have the best of both worlds, but this is what you’re asking for.
The reason for having the reception is the wedding itself, not just to have a big party. That’s why you typically only invite guests to the reception that are invited to the wedding ceremony as well. The guests asking to witness the ceremony are asking to do so because they understand this concept.
If you wanted a small wedding, you should have also had a small, intimate reception. Since that is not an option now, simply let your guests know you are having a small ceremony, but they’ll be able to see it via video.
Good luck.
December 8th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
My finamce and I decided we wanted a small wedding also! Our guest list is parents, siblings, and grandparents. Then we sent out invitations that said “We request the honor of your presence at our reception to celebrate our marriage.” Everyone was excited for us and RSVPs came in the first day! People love to celebrate! Especially if you are getting married far away it takes some of the pressure off of people to feel like they have to attend, and that way they will come to the reception not feeling weird they didnt make it to the wedding!! Congrats!!
December 10th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Personally, like a lot of people who have already answered I don’t feel it’s right to have a reception for a ceremony that people weren’t able to attend.
That said, I don’t see anything wrong in celebrating a marriage even after the fact. The differences between a reception and a celebration:
1. No wedding attire
2. Invitations don’t’ mention a reception, but a celebration
3. No garter or boquet toss and other reception traditions
December 13th, 2008 at 5:56 am
You ARE making it about you and your fiancee. I think your real question is, how do you get your family and friends to understand your desires for your wedding?
I can understand wanting an initmate ceremony on a island…that’s my dream wedding too. I’m a wedding planner and I know all of the details, time, extra money and sometimes aggravation that goes with planning a ceremony…oftentimes the more people involved, the more drama. Just having a party when you return is much easier. I wouldn’t wear my gown again though…seems a little weird to me.
However, the only other people I would HAVE to invite are my parents. Everyone else will just have to understand and they’ll get over it. And to the people who think it’s all about getting gifts, don’t register for any.
December 15th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
that’s exactly what i’m doing! except we’re bringing our parents and siblings. the resort we’re staying at is airing the ceremony on their website, so everyone at home can watch (haven’t decided if i want them to yet or not). we’re having big reception when we get back with everyone. those that want to see the wedding can **** it. it’s you and your fiance’s day! if i knew that someone close to me was getting married and not inviting me, i would respect their wishes and attend the reception if invited. congrats on the engagement!
oh yeah and if you want it to be just you and your fiance, wedding coordinators and/or resorts will provide witnesses.